I’ve always wondered what use church meeting minutes were; no-one reads them, no-one is interested and they usually collect dust in an obscure part of the church secretary’s office.

But now, all that has changed. Alma Harding has shown us the way: they are a weapon to be wielded against unruly vandals.

Here we have yet another vivid demonstration of Mr. Bumble’s hypothesis by the aberrant British legal system, ever vigilant in its enduring quest to prosecute the innocent and exonerate the guilty:

Alma Harding was walking home after a church meeting when she saw three teenagers kicking a ball among the flower beds she had planted on the village green.

After months of petty vandalism in the area, it was the last straw for the arts and crafts teacher.

She called to the group, remonstrating with them, but was alarmed when they approached. One swore at her, calling her a ‘******* fatty’, magistrates heard.

In fear, the 63-year-old lashed out with the church minutes she was carrying, and caught one of the boys, a 13-year-old, on the cheek. She scurried home, upset, and that might have been the end of it.

But the boy and his mother went to police and yesterday Mrs Harding, who sings in the church choir, was convicted of battery.

If this happens again, in addition to swatting them Alma should sing at the malevolent louts.