The Pagan Police Group UK has a web site that proudly proclaims 19,702 hits; not a lot, you may think, but considering you have to be a policeman, a pagan and over 18 to join, it’s not bad. I myself applied for membership status in order to peruse the more interesting parts of the site. For pagan affiliation, I inserted “Anglican”; unfortunately, I fear my application may be refused because I am not actually a policeman.

It seems that pagan policemen in the UK can now take holidays in order to prance naked in abandoned bliss on the bacchanalia of their choice; such is the march of progress in an enlightened society:

Being serving police officers, they would no doubt leave their sun worshipping, mead drinking and naked dancing for their days off, not to mention the annual practice of leaving food out for the wandering dead.

As of today, however, pagan police have the right to take their festivals as official holiday after their support group won formal recognition from the Home Office.

The eight main festivals include:

• Samhain — On Hallow’een (October 31), pagans celebrate the dark winter half of the year by leaving food outside for the wandering dead, dressing up as ghosts and casting spells

• Imbolc — the festival of the lactating sheep held on February 2. Pagans pile stones on top of each other and make “priapic wands” to celebrate fertility

• Beltane — on April 30/May 1, pagan and Wicca worshippers celebrate the Sun god. In Celtic times it was an opportunity for unabashed sexuality and promiscuity

• Lammas — On July 31, pagans celebrate harvest time and go on country walks

• Yule — On December 21 pagans go door-to-door singing and burn a yule log to honour Kriss Kringle, the Germanic god of yule.

• Ostra — On March 21 pagans celebrate spring and heap praise on the Sun god

• Litha — or summer solstice. Members drink mead and dance naked to celebrate the harvest

• Mabon — pagans celebrate the autumn equinox with an outdoor feast.