It was one year ago that St. Hilda’s voted to come under the Episcopal oversight of Archbishop Gregory Venables of the Province of the Southern Cone. We had a cake this morning to celebrate.

Our realigning unleashed a series of actions by the Diocese of Niagara that included firing the rector, demanding the building keys, freezing our bank account and taking St. Hilda’s to court.

Bishop Michael Bird threw things in frustration, John Page, the diocesan lawyer, hurled abuse during discovery meetings, and court appearances were disagreeably frequent.

During this time, St. Hilda’s web site peaked at 6000 hits per day and overall had 340,000 hits in 2008. The rector of St. Hilda’s, Rev. Paul Charbonneau appeared in a large colour photo on the front page of the National Post; we received hundreds of emails of support from all over the world – and even from parishioners in local Anglican churches.

None of this has been particularly easy: the pastor was fired and former colleagues shun him. Each week we have to pay to rent the gym in a local school; the chairs and sound equipment have to be set up and torn down. A series of ‘priests in charge’ have been installed in the building by the diocese and have brought with them a dribble of people from other Oakville parishes to create the illusion of a real diocesan congregation. They complain a lot.

To this day, the diocese has refused to share in building expenses or to negotiate – as was ordered by the court.

Standing up for something you believe in can end up being quite inconvenient.

I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

At the primates’ meeting in Egypt, the newly formed ACNA was warned not to recruit members from – presumably – the TEC or ACoC.

Any scheme developed would rely on an undertaking from the present partners to ACNA that they would not seek to recruit and expand their membership by means of proselytisation.

If only the ACoC would obey the spirit of this and not recruit members from one parish to populate another.

There are numerous ACoC churches in Oakville that are close to St. Hilda’s ANiC. The church of the Epiphany is one. St. Hilda’s ANiC has friends everywhere. One of them informed us today that an announcement was made at Epiphany that the diocesan services being held in St. Hilda’s building have something missing: people. Members of Epiphany are being encouraged to show up at St. Hilda’s to maintain the illusion that the diocese has a congregation there. This is in addition to the 3 people that Cheryl Fricker drags with her from St. Aidan’s.

After all, another court appearance is imminent.

Here is the job description and my qualifications:

In response to the Bishop’s Vision for the diocese, ‘the Pursuit of Excellence in Ministry’, we are looking for individuals who could be called upon as consultants to:

* coach parishes through the transition between rectors

The Diocese of Niagara Potemkin St. Hilda’s has had 4 rectors – or what the diocese likes to call ‘priests in charge’ – over the last 12 months. I am now an expert in coaching new squatter-priests on how to hurry the last victim out and make the new one feel right at home – in preparation for being hustled out in turn.

* assist a parish in understanding and implementing the Bishop’s vision at the local level,

There isn’t actually anyone left in the diocesan version of the parish, but if there were, I would point out with exacting clarity that the bishop’s vision for St. Hilda’s is to grab the building, get rid of the ‘priest in charge’ and sell it in order to get money to bolster the disintegrating organisation that is unconvincingly attempting an impression of a church.

* work with parishes to understand their identity and create realistic and accurate profiles

This is an easy one: St. Hilda’s identity moved to ANiC along with all the people. I would invite the new priest to join ANiC.

* help communities to think strategically, seeing the big picture and creating a plan for ministry

The diocesan picture is here, where it has attempted to cover ANiC’s big picture with its nasty squat ugly little one. To see the big picture once more revealed, look here. I fully support the big picture.

* be part of a task force that provides a parish with research and makes assessments of demographics and changing trends in an area

The diocese stole most of St. Hilda’s documentation – vestry reports, parish lists and weekly attendance records. To make a start, I would ask for them back.

* assist in creating an agreed upon ministry covenant of expectations between the Bishop, the parish and the incoming priest

The sinister new ‘ministry covenant’ means you have to pledge eternal allegiance to Michael Bird no matter what he decides to do. I would point out to the new ‘priest in charge’ that Michael Bird deserves allegiance since,  in performing same-sex blessings, he is showing prophetic leadership by conforming closely to Canadian culture; and because he is so short.

* be part of the Mission Strategy committee.

The mission strategy is to keep the crumbling diocese on its feet long enough to allow the bishop to retire in comfort. Who could argue with that?

Wonder if I’ll get the job?

The cleansing of the temple.

One day after the apostate Diocese of Niagara attempts to cover up the Christian sign at St. Hilda’s, Province of the Southern Cone in Oakville,  vandals rip off the contrivance of the diabolarchy and all – well, on the sign at least –  is almost as it should be:

From this:

Back to this:

In this photo there is still a piece of tape concealing the real rector’s name. I understand that, subsequent to this photo being taken, the tape spontaneously withered and fell off.

I have it on good authority that the Diocese of Niagara has assembled a task force which, after a time of discernment and listening, will be producing a document on the Theology of Sharing. As it happens, a draft copy was smuggled out of James Street by a recently escaped laid-off malcontent.

How to Share a Church Building
Lessons learned when sharing St. Hilda’s building with The Network.

Make it clear from the outset that it is your building; the people who bought and paid for the place are there on sufferance. Do not under any circumstances speak to or touch them; they have a condition called the Holy Spirit which is contagious and can result in a nasty dose of fundamentalism.

Take the prime service time for yourself; make sure that The Network does not trespass on the property while you are using it. If they do, pretend they don’t exist.

Import parishioners from other parishes to make it look as if we really need the place. Whatever you do, don’t let on that we are going to sell it as soon as we can. Before you do sell it, make it clear to the priest in charge and imported parishioners that they are no longer wanted.

It has come to our attention that the latest imported priest in charge at St. Hilda’s has only been able to muster 5 people  every Sunday. This makes the diocese looks bad: emphasise loyalty to our beloved church; make your congregation feel guilty; drive them to church yourself if you have to, just get them there.

Find fault with the building to make The Network feel guilty. Coach your congregation in the art of complaining. Complain about the heating, the damp, the smell, the mould, the lack of hymn books, the old communion vessels which we got from them, the church sign (more on that later), the unpaved parking lot, the lack of air conditioning and the ugly orange carpet.

As an added demoraliser, refuse to pay your share of the building upkeep, cleaning, hydro and utilities. Even though you are not paying to clean the place, complain that it isn’t clean enough and make sure you whine about icy sidewalks. But, whatever you do don’t clear them; if one of our parishioners slips, we can sue The Network for damages.

At this point the real rector of the parish will probably be fed up and frustrated. To complete this process, get right up his nose by placing your sign in front of his to obscure his name like this:

It doesn’t matter that the diocesan sign looks tacky and is held on with string, sticky tape and chewing gum: the important thing is no-one can see the contaminated message underneath. And, after all, that is what drawing the circle wider is all about.

In a recent confirmation service in Christ’s Church Cathedral, Hamilton one of the songs was U2’s “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”

A fitting tribute to the state of Christian belief in the diocese. As Bono told Rolling Stone, ” ‘I still haven’t found What I’m Looking For’ is an anthem of doubt more than faith”.

What song could be more appropriate for welcoming a new member into an apostate diocese.

Bishop Michael Bird is off to the UK to enlighten Rowan Williams on how the Diocese of Niagara has reached the point it has in bulldozing forward its agenda to bless same sex unions. It seems that the Anglican Communion Office believes that the Diocese of Niagara and Michael Bird have addressed this thorny issue with integrity and discernment and, one assumes, could serve as a role model for others. He is there today!

Here he is declaring how he is going to export sweetness and light to the UK:

The examples of integrity and discernment that Michael Bird has displayed so far have been these:

• The day after the first three Niagara parishes voted to join ANiC, representatives from the diocese appeared at the parishes to demand the keys to the buildings. Within the same week, the rectors of the churches were inhibited from ministering and soon after that, fired.
• The bank accounts of the parishes were frozen by the diocese.
• Shortly after this, the diocese took the parishes to court to demand use of the parish buildings even though they had no people to put in them. They lost at the first court appearance; Bird was in the courtroom and when the ruling was handed down, threw a bible on the table in a fit of rage.
• About a month later, the parishes were in court again and this time, the judge ruled that the parishes had to share their buildings with the diocese; Bird’s bible was not abused.
• In order to make a political point, the diocese held services in the parish buildings with people imported from elsewhere in the diocese, although  in one parish no people at all showed up for the first six months.
• In spite of being approached a number of times by Bishop Don Harvey, Michael Bird has stubbornly refused to negotiate outside of the court.

Altogether a fine record of tolerance, staying at the table, conversing, diversity, inclusion and –  let’s not forget – integrity and discernment.

Rowan Williams – look out.