The Rector of St Bartholomew the Great, the Rev Dr Martin Dudley makes his excuses to the Bishop of London, the Right Rev Richard Chartres after conducting a same sex ‘wedding’. Here is his letter along with a translation:

Dear Bishop,
As the result of a conference with my solicitor and with my counsel, Chancellor Mark Hill, I am able to respond fully to your letter of 18 June. I think I now have my butt covered; which is just as well considering the company I’m keeping.

I can now appreciate that the service held at St Bartholomew the Great on 31 May 2008 was inconsistent with the terms of the Pastoral Statement from the House of Bishops issued in 2005. Whilst the precise status of this pastoral document within the Church of England generally and the Diocese of London in particular may be a matter of differing interpretations, I ought to have afforded it far greater weight. You and I both know that we’ve had centuries of experience re-interpreting the bible to make it fit our queer… err peculiar way of looking at things, so this wimpy pastoral document should present no problem at all.

I regret the embarrassment caused to you by this event and by its subsequent portrayal in the media. I now recognise that I should not have responded positively to the request for this service, even though it was made by another incumbent of your Diocese, who is a colleague, neighbour and friend of us both nor should I have adopted uncritically the Order of Service prepared by the him and his partner. I had not appreciated that the event would have been attended by so many nor that it would have attracted the publicity and notoriety which it did. Hey, these are our buddies we are talking about; OK, maybe I should have looked over the service a bit, but honestly, I had no idea so many reporters would be present. We’ll do a better job of screening the onlookers next time.

I share your abhorrence of homophobia in all its forms. I am profoundly uneasy with much of the content of the House of Bishops’ Pastoral Statement which anecdotal evidence suggests is being widely, though discretely, disregarded in this Diocese and elsewhere. Nonetheless, I am willing to abide by its content in the future, until such time as it is rescinded or amended, and I undertake not to provide any form of blessing for same sex couples registering civil partnerships. We both know everyone is ignoring the HOB Pastoral Statement; it’s designed to pacify those pesky homophobic, conservative, fundamentalists; we should really just ignore them and leave them to their snakes. Of course, we have to both pretend to do what it says – next time I’ll be more circumspect; I’ll even make sure you’re invited! And there’s always a great party afterwards, know what I mean… nudge, nudge.

I am writing to you in confidence but seek your guidance on such steps as may be necessary and appropriate to make public my regret and my undertaking, mindful that your initial letter to me was widely disseminated. What’s the best way to cover this up? And please make sure this letter doesn’t get leaked.
Yours sincerely