It seems that Victoria Osteen was cleared of assault charges.

Victoria Osteen, the glamorous wife of Joel Osteen, pastor of Houston’s Lakewood Church, which has a congregation of around 40,000, is accused of slamming Sharon Brown against a bathroom door and elbowing her in the breast during the outburst.
The Continental Airlines stewardess is demanding an apology and 10 percent of Mrs Osteen’s net worth in damages for the anxiety and suffering she claims the incident caused. The resulting distress included a crisis of faith, post traumatic stress and haemorrhoids, Ms Brown alleges.

The only thing that is even mildly interesting in this 21st C. litigious sciamachy is: how often are haemorrhoids induced by an elbow in the breast? I want to know.

My curiosity about the journey from poke to pile is not anatomical prurience: if, heaven forbid, it proves reversible, the answer could avert an impending deluge of chest-pain lawsuits brought about by sitting on the punishingly hard pews of the average Anglican church.