The Diocese of Niagara has published 22 preaching tips on how to extract more money from parishioners. The inane, clichéd and profoundly meaningless “We are a people of the story” predictably appears in number 4 and number 8 reveals the level of diocesan desperation in that it makes the unprecedented recommendation of using the Bible:
Use the Bible. From the very first book of the Bible, the image of God is one of an abundant, lavish giver. If we are created in God’s own image, then to deny that, we are not allowing ourselves to become what God has made us to be. Look for biblical stories about gratitude and abundance. Remind parishioners that Jesus talked more about money than he did about heaven or prayer.
Number 23 has been omitted for some reason; here it is:
23. If none of the above work, sue the congregation, take their building, sell it and tell everyone you were forced to sue them to preserve heritage diocesan assets for future generations.
Preaching on money shouldn’t be directed at getting more money from the parishoners. It should be directed at teaching us how spiritually dangerous a hold money can have on us.
And don’t forget to remind parishioners that the diocese needs their money in order to sue their brothers and sisters.