A brief summary of the plot so far:

Attempts to negotiate outside the courts
The parishes that left the Diocese of Niagara to realign with the Province of the Southern Cone have been taken to court by the diocese. ANiC’s lawyers have repeatedly asked the diocese to negotiate outside the courts; they were refused. Bishop Don Harvey has repeatedly asked Fred Hiltz to have one of the conversations that Hiltz is so fond of; he was refused.

The judge at the last court appearance ordered ANiC and the diocese to share the buildings and the cost of maintaining the buildings. The diocese has yet to pay anything towards the upkeep of the buildings, while, in St. Hilda’s case, having no compunction about driving out 100 people who need it with 5 people who don’t. If the diocese and ANiC could not agree on respective costs, the court ruled that an independent arbitrator mediate a solution. ANiC proposed an arbitrator early on; the diocese refused.

It appears that the diocesan lawyer is not completely daft though: it has occurred to him that the diocese will look bad in the next court appearance if they have obviously refused mediation. Therefore, they have recently sent an email to ANiC asking why there is a holdup on mediation; and they suggested the same arbitrator that ANiC originally proposed.

How much his this costing
The last court appearance was an appeal by ANiC. ANiC lost the appeal, so the diocese were awarded costs. The diocesan lawyers had charged $70,000 for the appeal. The judge viewed this as excessive and awarded them $20,000.

At the next costs hearing, the diocese will be asking for around $240,000 in legal fees; these fees are just for the court appearances that were to decide on whether the buildings were to be shared. ANiC’s legal fees are about one quarter. To gain perspective on this: an example of what the diocese has achieved at St. Hilda’s by spending $240,000, is that every Sunday morning, Cheryl Fricker from St. Aidan’s, Oakville attracts between 4 and 5 people from her own congregation to show up at an 8:30 service in St. Hilda’s building. That’s $4,615 per service or, over the year, $48,000 per person.

Vandalism!
Oakville is not a particularly rough part of Canada and it isn’t full of vandals whose calling in life is to remove church signs; St. Hilda’s has only experienced vandalism twice in its entire history. Someone obviously doesn’t like the diocese very much and has pinched their sign. The diocese has retaliated: we received an email from them threatening criminal prosecution if there is a repeat performance. And the neighbours have been asked to keep an eye open for nefarious sign-destroying miscreants. Vandalism has never been a particularly alluring temptation for me, but now – Must. Resist.

A Profusion of Prosecutions
Not content with taking all the ANiC parishes to court, the Diocese of Niagara is also suing the wardens of the parishes – personally. Who cares what for? It’s all about inclusion, after all.

Who paid whom
When St. Hilda’s was built the Diocese of Niagara lent the parish $4,000 to get started. Since then, the parish has paid back over $1,000,000 to the diocese in assessments and offerings. A diocesan bishop promised, in writing, that if the parish completed their building, the diocese would pay to pave the parking lot. It didn’t.

Whoever ends up winning the buildings in court, one thing is clear: they belong to the ANiC parishioners who have a legitimate use for them, not to the suits with backwards collars or the odious allotheist with the oven mitt on his head.

Ever eager to jump on the latest cultural bandwagon, the Diocese of Niagara offers this thinly disguised Gaia worship as part of their Green Awakening.

The whole liturgy is here; this is the opening prayer:

Opening Prayer
One Beneath our toes
Beneath our shoes
Beneath floors
Beneath basement and cement and foundation
All We are still standing on holy ground
One Amidst cheerful chatter
TV drones and telephones
Planes and trains
Sirens, horns, and the squeal of tires
All We listen for the call of the Earth
One As square, grey scenery is photographed
Amidst trash, contamination, pits, pollution
Waste, seen and unseen
We are tired people, grasping for energy
All We are still standing on holy ground
One Bike riders and gardeners whisper alternatives
as creation groans beneath the weight of waste and
excess
Beneath even that sits holy ground
Firmly rooting all in the moving, shaping,
Cleansing powers of creation,
All We listen for the call of the Earth

What next, one wonders? Why this, of course:

It was one year ago that St. Hilda’s voted to come under the Episcopal oversight of Archbishop Gregory Venables of the Province of the Southern Cone. We had a cake this morning to celebrate.

Our realigning unleashed a series of actions by the Diocese of Niagara that included firing the rector, demanding the building keys, freezing our bank account and taking St. Hilda’s to court.

Bishop Michael Bird threw things in frustration, John Page, the diocesan lawyer, hurled abuse during discovery meetings, and court appearances were disagreeably frequent.

During this time, St. Hilda’s web site peaked at 6000 hits per day and overall had 340,000 hits in 2008. The rector of St. Hilda’s, Rev. Paul Charbonneau appeared in a large colour photo on the front page of the National Post; we received hundreds of emails of support from all over the world – and even from parishioners in local Anglican churches.

None of this has been particularly easy: the pastor was fired and former colleagues shun him. Each week we have to pay to rent the gym in a local school; the chairs and sound equipment have to be set up and torn down. A series of ‘priests in charge’ have been installed in the building by the diocese and have brought with them a dribble of people from other Oakville parishes to create the illusion of a real diocesan congregation. They complain a lot.

To this day, the diocese has refused to share in building expenses or to negotiate – as was ordered by the court.

Standing up for something you believe in can end up being quite inconvenient.

I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

At the primates’ meeting in Egypt, the newly formed ACNA was warned not to recruit members from – presumably – the TEC or ACoC.

Any scheme developed would rely on an undertaking from the present partners to ACNA that they would not seek to recruit and expand their membership by means of proselytisation.

If only the ACoC would obey the spirit of this and not recruit members from one parish to populate another.

There are numerous ACoC churches in Oakville that are close to St. Hilda’s ANiC. The church of the Epiphany is one. St. Hilda’s ANiC has friends everywhere. One of them informed us today that an announcement was made at Epiphany that the diocesan services being held in St. Hilda’s building have something missing: people. Members of Epiphany are being encouraged to show up at St. Hilda’s to maintain the illusion that the diocese has a congregation there. This is in addition to the 3 people that Cheryl Fricker drags with her from St. Aidan’s.

After all, another court appearance is imminent.

Here is the job description and my qualifications:

In response to the Bishop’s Vision for the diocese, ‘the Pursuit of Excellence in Ministry’, we are looking for individuals who could be called upon as consultants to:

* coach parishes through the transition between rectors

The Diocese of Niagara Potemkin St. Hilda’s has had 4 rectors – or what the diocese likes to call ‘priests in charge’ – over the last 12 months. I am now an expert in coaching new squatter-priests on how to hurry the last victim out and make the new one feel right at home – in preparation for being hustled out in turn.

* assist a parish in understanding and implementing the Bishop’s vision at the local level,

There isn’t actually anyone left in the diocesan version of the parish, but if there were, I would point out with exacting clarity that the bishop’s vision for St. Hilda’s is to grab the building, get rid of the ‘priest in charge’ and sell it in order to get money to bolster the disintegrating organisation that is unconvincingly attempting an impression of a church.

* work with parishes to understand their identity and create realistic and accurate profiles

This is an easy one: St. Hilda’s identity moved to ANiC along with all the people. I would invite the new priest to join ANiC.

* help communities to think strategically, seeing the big picture and creating a plan for ministry

The diocesan picture is here, where it has attempted to cover ANiC’s big picture with its nasty squat ugly little one. To see the big picture once more revealed, look here. I fully support the big picture.

* be part of a task force that provides a parish with research and makes assessments of demographics and changing trends in an area

The diocese stole most of St. Hilda’s documentation – vestry reports, parish lists and weekly attendance records. To make a start, I would ask for them back.

* assist in creating an agreed upon ministry covenant of expectations between the Bishop, the parish and the incoming priest

The sinister new ‘ministry covenant’ means you have to pledge eternal allegiance to Michael Bird no matter what he decides to do. I would point out to the new ‘priest in charge’ that Michael Bird deserves allegiance since,  in performing same-sex blessings, he is showing prophetic leadership by conforming closely to Canadian culture; and because he is so short.

* be part of the Mission Strategy committee.

The mission strategy is to keep the crumbling diocese on its feet long enough to allow the bishop to retire in comfort. Who could argue with that?

Wonder if I’ll get the job?

The cleansing of the temple.

One day after the apostate Diocese of Niagara attempts to cover up the Christian sign at St. Hilda’s, Province of the Southern Cone in Oakville,  vandals rip off the contrivance of the diabolarchy and all – well, on the sign at least –  is almost as it should be:

From this:

Back to this:

In this photo there is still a piece of tape concealing the real rector’s name. I understand that, subsequent to this photo being taken, the tape spontaneously withered and fell off.

I have it on good authority that the Diocese of Niagara has assembled a task force which, after a time of discernment and listening, will be producing a document on the Theology of Sharing. As it happens, a draft copy was smuggled out of James Street by a recently escaped laid-off malcontent.

How to Share a Church Building
Lessons learned when sharing St. Hilda’s building with The Network.

Make it clear from the outset that it is your building; the people who bought and paid for the place are there on sufferance. Do not under any circumstances speak to or touch them; they have a condition called the Holy Spirit which is contagious and can result in a nasty dose of fundamentalism.

Take the prime service time for yourself; make sure that The Network does not trespass on the property while you are using it. If they do, pretend they don’t exist.

Import parishioners from other parishes to make it look as if we really need the place. Whatever you do, don’t let on that we are going to sell it as soon as we can. Before you do sell it, make it clear to the priest in charge and imported parishioners that they are no longer wanted.

It has come to our attention that the latest imported priest in charge at St. Hilda’s has only been able to muster 5 people  every Sunday. This makes the diocese looks bad: emphasise loyalty to our beloved church; make your congregation feel guilty; drive them to church yourself if you have to, just get them there.

Find fault with the building to make The Network feel guilty. Coach your congregation in the art of complaining. Complain about the heating, the damp, the smell, the mould, the lack of hymn books, the old communion vessels which we got from them, the church sign (more on that later), the unpaved parking lot, the lack of air conditioning and the ugly orange carpet.

As an added demoraliser, refuse to pay your share of the building upkeep, cleaning, hydro and utilities. Even though you are not paying to clean the place, complain that it isn’t clean enough and make sure you whine about icy sidewalks. But, whatever you do don’t clear them; if one of our parishioners slips, we can sue The Network for damages.

At this point the real rector of the parish will probably be fed up and frustrated. To complete this process, get right up his nose by placing your sign in front of his to obscure his name like this:

It doesn’t matter that the diocesan sign looks tacky and is held on with string, sticky tape and chewing gum: the important thing is no-one can see the contaminated message underneath. And, after all, that is what drawing the circle wider is all about.

In a recent confirmation service in Christ’s Church Cathedral, Hamilton one of the songs was U2’s “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”

A fitting tribute to the state of Christian belief in the diocese. As Bono told Rolling Stone, ” ‘I still haven’t found What I’m Looking For’ is an anthem of doubt more than faith”.

What song could be more appropriate for welcoming a new member into an apostate diocese.