The early days are a little hazy, but I remember:

AIM: Anglicans In Mission: that was inflicted on us  during  the Bothwell/Asbil oligarchy, I believe.

Survive and Thrive: a concoction of Ralph Spence. People would keep referring to it as Strive and Thrive, though.

The victims of these schemes – parishioners – eventually caught on to their true significance:

However, now, under the expert guidance of Bishop Michael Bird, we are in the era of pursuing excellence and – crusading to raise $750,000 in order to keep suing fellow Christians. Such is the march of progress.

An article in the Niagara Anglican (page 3) by Michael Burslem maintains that we need a new Christian creed: thus we have the Apostles’ creed, the Nicene creed and now the Burslem creed.

The new creed begins, Allah Achbar! – God is great. The only problem is, this is not the Christian God: it is the god invoked by – among others – Hamas torturers: here they scream his name while beating someone senseless:

c/p the AEC Blog

The Diocese of Niagara is distributing a letter entitled, “Passion for Justice” in which it is appealing for $750,000:

A few observations about the letter:

This “Passion for Justice” appears to be little more than a ploy to raise money to pursue further litigation against ANiC parishes; it is being directed at those who believe so-called “justice” will be served by blessing  same-sex marriages and, presumably, suing those who don’t agree. The flavour of the letter is similar to that of the appeals one sees on PBS or TVO, interrupting episodes of Inspector Morse: the lines are open; we only need a few more donors to hit the $750,000 mark – call now.

Of the $750,000 in “unbudgeted costs” the “significant legal costs” for the diocese after the last costs settlements were around $211,000, supposedly leaving $539,000 in  “lost revenue from the four parishes…. [and] costs to provide spiritual, pastoral and operating support, loss of investment income”.  In fact, the actual final legal costs for the diocese will be much higher than $211,000 since the costs that can be recovered in the courts are always significantly less than actual legal costs.

There has been lost revenue from the four ANiC parishes, but this is hardly a cost as the letter states and a diocese with four fewer parishes should cost less to run.

The remaining cause of diocesan impecuniousness is put down to a “loss of investment income”. Perhaps the diocese should find a new investment advisor.

Both the lost revenue and investment losses pale beside the amount the diocese has paid and will have to pay to continue their legal assault on the four ANiC parishes.

I presume the small group of extremists are the parishioners in the four ANiC parishes. “Extremist” seems an odd way to describe parishioners who simply wish to hold true to the Gospel as it has been understood by Christians for the last 2000 years; particularly since the activities of the ANiC parishes have not impeded any ministry of the diocese. It is the diocese that feels compelled to evict ANiC parishioners from their buildings and kill their ministries, not vice-versa. The diocese has pursued the ANiC parishes in the courts with animosity and vindictiveness. When a case cannot be made based on rational arguments, the last resort is often what we see here: name calling.

Much is made of this: “Niagara is a Diocese which includes all the baptised” (unless you happen to be a God-fearing bible believing Anglican, in which case you must be sued) as if lesser dioceses do not. I can’t imagine any Christian church excluding anyone, baptised or not; I can imagine a Christian church that includes everyone and encourages them to try and follow God’s standards as revealed in the bible – I attend one.

In summary, it seems clear that the main purpose of this letter is to raise money for the diocesan legal fund to enable them to continue litigation against ANiC parishes, not to “pursue excellence” or promote justice.

Apple likes to boast that on the iPhone, there is an application for everything: there is even one that generates canned mission statements. The sample statements do evoke an eerie resonance with the various meaningless and vapid specimens I encountered in the companies I have worked for over the years. Here are some of the iMission statements:

Our mission is to continue to appropriately foster strategic value while continuing to conveniently empower alternative data while striving for technical leadership.

Our challenge is to authoritatively restore an expanded array of quality vectors in order to distinctively promote diverse testing procedures to stay competitive in tomorrow’s world.

It is our responsibility to intrinsically build leading-edge total linkage so that we may endeavour to synergistically streamline premium customer service for 100% customer satisfaction.

We will conveniently pursue optimal synergy and also globally negotiate standards-compliant collaboration and idea sharing to meet our customer’s needs. [as an aside, I can’t help noticing that the company that adopts this has only one customer; this is one more than the company deserves]

And now I know where the Diocese of Niagara’s Bishop Michael Bird obtained his vision statement:

Prophetic social justice‐making; flourishing culture of innovation; outstanding leadership for ministry; effective resource management.

Ever since the day in February 2008 when St. Hilda’s voted to realign with the Province of the Southern Cone, the Diocese of Niagara  has maintained the pretence of needing the building – not to sell it for the value of the land, oh no – to hold services for those parishioners who wished to remain with the diocese. Except there weren’t any, so, over the last year and a half the diocese has imported people from other parishes – usually about 4 or 5 people – to create the illusion of a congregation.

This account in that bastion of conservative Christianity, the Toronto Star, is how it began in February 2008:

Preaching duel no contest.

In the battle of duelling pastors at St. Hilda’s Anglican Church in Oakville yesterday, Rev. Paul Charbonneau pitched a shutout.

More than 100 members of his flock turned out for what could be the last service he celebrates at the half-century-old building on Rebecca St. in the town’s west end.

It could be the last because the congregation has voted unanimously to split with the Anglican Church of Canada over several issues of fundamental faith, including same-sex marriage, which the congregation opposes. It has chosen to align itself with the principles of the worldwide Anglican Church, from which it says the Canadian wing split years ago.

Leaders of the Church’s Diocese of Niagara want to boot the congregation and Pastor Paul from the building, even though the local folks have paid off the mortgage, and funded the upkeep and utilities without a nickel from head office.

The congregation refuses to hand over the keys to the place and are content to await the result of a court hearing on Friday to determine who owns what, who gets to stay and who must go.

The Diocese parachuted in a relief reverend yesterday morning, ostensibly to preach to disenfranchised St. Hilda’s parishioners upset by the move.

The only problem? There weren’t any.

Sensing there would be rows of empty pews facing Rev. Brian Ruttan, the Diocese made calls and sent emails to members of three area churches, enticing about two dozen strangers to fill the seats.

Since then, there have been a total of 4 relief reverends, the penultimate being Cheryl Fricker who gave up for the summer and posted this on the diocesan web site:

St. Hilda’s Services for July and August will be held together with St. Aidan’s at 318 Queen Mary Drive in Oakville. Service Time is 10:00 am and all are welcome!

The date today is September 23^rd and there has been no sign of the diocese in St. Hilda’s building on Sunday morning since June; even from the new  priest-poseur, Sue-Ann Ward. This makes the affidavit sworn by archdeacon Michael Patterson that the diocese has “15 to 25 adults and children in a creative and growing congregation” appear even more – creative.

There was the hint of a suggestion that I drove everyone away with a camera. Much as I would be happy to take credit for the cleansing of the temple, I fear that was not the case and the disappearance of the diocesan crew remains a Mystery.

St. Simon’s Anglican Church in Oakville is located opposite Sheridan College, which gives it a unique opportunity to witness to the many students who walk past every day. To this end, St. Simon’s, home of the local school of Wicca for budding Harry Potters has the following message on both sides of its parish sign.

Of course, the diocese is in desperate need of filthy lucre to fund rather expensive lawsuits against Christians in the three parishes that voted to leave the diocese and align with the Province of the Southern cone. Hence we have the Gospel of Cheap Parking.

The Diocese of Niagara, having been in serious decline for decades, is unable to pay the upkeep on many of its half-empty buildings. It is hoping that taxpayers will foot the bill to keep them open.

They’re stunning, iconic buildings that speak to a time of religious grace and opulence. They’re also aging, some without the means or devotees to return them to their former glory.

“In the future, what would be an ideal from our point of view would be to have a way of working with the heritage folks and the city so we could both preserve churches and develop the land around them, perhaps,” said Rick Jones, archdeacon with the Diocese of Niagara.

At the same time, it is trying to take three buildings away from ANiC parishes that actually could use them for what they were originally intended: worship. Bishop Michael Bird calls this the Pursuit of Excellence in Ministry.

Since the congregation of St. Hilda’s voted unanimously to join ANiC in February 2008 the diocese of Niagara has installed four “priests in charge” one after the other at its faux-St. Hilda’s:

Brian Ruttan:

Martha Tatarnic:

Cheryl Fricker:

and the latest, Sue-Ann Ward:

The diocese claims it wants to “build a congregation” and it has taken four priests about a year and a half to produce a congregation of approximately – zero.

Which leads to the obvious question for these “priests in charge”:

With Michael Bird’s announcement that the diocese of Niagara is to offer the blessing of same-sex couples this September (triads next September), it is only natural that the diocesan hegemony has its mind set on thrusting. Here’s the proof:

Donate Online
Your donation will help us thrust the Niagara Anglican into the future – communicating the Gospel and the good news of our Anglican tradition to generations to come.

Clearly, without a sufficient degree of thrusting, the Niagara Anglican tabloid is unlikely to find its way unassisted into the future; which would be a shame, since it is of an ideal consistency physically, spiritually and intellectually to make excellent kitty litter when ground up.

It would be remiss of me if I failed to draw attention to the gospel contained in this potential cat commode liner: it is none other that the good news of our Anglican tradition which, by and large, avoids any reference to God, Jesus, sin, atonement or any other of those embarrassingly lunatic notions peddled by rabid fundamentalists.

So, donate today or I will have to start buying commercial remedies to absorb feline feculence.