Category Archives: Diocese of Niagara

Some parishes in the Diocese of Niagara want to get rid of their clergy

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In their zeal to be frugal, it seems that some Niagara parishes are considering firing their clergy. Bishop Michael Bird isn’t happy with this and has sent out a letter scolding parishes tempted to subvert his vision of a Generous Culture of Stewardship in this way:

We have heard of several parishes that are considering a motion at their Annual Vestry meeting to reduce the level of clergy staffing to save money in the parish budget. We want to remind clergy and churchwardens that the appointment of licensed clergy and lay workers and the conditions of their employment are under the purview of the Bishop (not the Vestry). To entertain such a motion has ethical and legal implications, reaching far beyond budgetary concerns.

Impecunious parishes need not despair, though: the letter goes on to offer a vague hope of diocesan assistance. I expect the bishop will be donating a portion of his $112,000 stipend to flagging congregations. Those wishing to apply for grants should send an email to: bishop@niagara.anglican.ca.

 

 

Diocese of Niagara: Frodo and Gandalf walk down the aisle hand in hand

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The Diocese of Niagara has a liturgy for blessing same sex marriages.

Those same sex couples who are a little uncomfortable with some of the things the Bible has to say about their nocturnal hanky panky, needn’t worry since they can choose a “secular reading” for the Proclamation of the Word. And why not? After all, the Bible has no place in today’s Anglican church; neither does God, come to think of it.

One of the readings is J.R.R Tolkien’s “The Road Goes Ever On”; it can be found in The Hobbit and in Lord of The Rings where it works very well. I’m not sure that it is quite so well suited to the Proclamation of the Word, though. One can only hope that, after reciting it, the happy couple both disappear when they put their rings on.

The Diocese of Niagara production of the Vagina Monologues, starring female clergy

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No, I’m not joking; from here (Page 5):

Last spring I approached the Reverend Val Kerr, Board member of Bethlehem Housing and Support Services, with the idea of doing a V-Day Production of the Vagina Monologues as a fund raiser for Bethlehem. She liked the idea, and the plan was launched.

Our cast is made up of Women Clergy in the Niagara Diocese who are passionate about stopping violence against not only women but all people.

For those unfamiliar with the work, here is a short extract:

I call it cunt. I’ve reclaimed it, “cunt.” I really like it. “Cunt.” Listen to it. “Cunt.” C C. Ca Ca. Cavern, cackle, clit, cute, come-closed c-closed inside, inside ca-then u-then cu-then curvy, inviting sharkskin uuniform, under, up, urge, ugh, ugh, u — then n then cun — snug letters fitting perfectly together — n — nest, now, nexus, nice, nice, always depth, always round in upper case, cun, cun-n a jagged wicked electrical pulse-n (high pitched noise) then soft n-warm n — cun, cun, then t — then sharp certain tangy t — texture, take, tent, tight, tantalizing, tensing, taste, tendrils, time, tactile, tell me, tell me “Cunt cunt,” say it, tell me “Cunt.” “Cunt.”

As you can see, it’s about as edifying as the average Diocese of Niagara Synod.

According to the Diocese of Niagara, God loves Muslims more than ANiC Christians

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Until now I had laboured under the impression that God loves everyone equally: sinners, saints, Christians, Muslims – and so on. Not so, according to the Niagara Anglican, the newspaper of the Diocese of Niagara.

Apparently he loves Muslims more than dissenters; and by dissenters, our author is referring to ANiC parishioners who departed the Anglican Church of Canada because it blesses same-sex marriages – although this is merely the tip of the heretical iceberg.

Were it not for the absence of an editorial comment distancing the paper from the remark, one might be tempted to dismiss it as yet another crackpot notion from Michael Burslem, a regular contributor to the paper. As it is, it obviously meets editorial and diocesan standards – and probably approval (the article is not online yet):

I’m equally convinced that God loves Muslims more than dissenters; those who cause bitter dissent and even schism in congregations and dioceses that a portion should up and leave. Since God loves us all, there is nothing that should cause us to love one another less than He does, even such subjects as the same-sex debate. Paul condemned settling matters in court as he did homosexual relations. He preferred all to be celibate as himself. However, Paul is not the Law, any more than the Bible is, and thanks be to God no one is saved by obeying the law, Paul’s the Bible or any other.

 

 

 

What will the Diocese of Niagara do with the ANiC buildings if it gets them?

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Something like this, probably:

A 140-year-old church downtown is at the heart of a local debate around heritage, neighbourhood development and poverty.

The Synod of the Diocese of Niagara and the Hamilton nonprofit corporation Options for Homes want to demolish All Saints Anglican Church on Queen Street South at King Street West to construct a 12-storey, affordable housing apartment. The main level would be used for worship and ministry by congregation members.

But a group of heritage advocates and citizens is fighting two “minor variances” that would exempt the project from the area’s zoning bylaws for parking and building height.

The developers’ requests for a minimum of 69 parking spaces instead of 87 and a maximum height of 12 floors as opposed to six were granted by the city’s committee of adjustment last year.

The good news is that, in St. Hilda’s case, the promise the diocese made to pave the parking lot 50 years ago will finally be kept.

The attack of the mutant alphabet: LGBTTTIQQAA

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No, my head didn’t just fall on the keyboard. This apparently random collection of letters does mean something. Here goes: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Two-spirited, Intersex, Queer, Questioning, Asexual, and Allies.

Although I am not an expert on the fine distinction between these vocations, there is an organisation that can educate anyone prepared to disconnect their critical faculties.

If only the Rev. Hollis Hiscock had availed himself of this education  before penning an article in the Niagara Anglican and getting himself in a bit of a muddle. The Rev. writes:

Our goals include building bridges with the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Two-spirited, Intersex, Queer, Questioning, Asexual, and Ally (LGBTTTIQQAA) communities, educating people and promoting St. Christopher’s church as “a more welcoming, affirming and safe church” for everyone.

Affirming and welcoming what, you may wonder: LGBTTTIQQAAs (I’m unsure of the plural of LGBTTTIQQAA – should the final “s” be capitalised, is it plural without the “s”? Who knows. Who cares), of course.

Rev. Hiscock: in my eagerness for maximal inclusion, you have no idea how long I spent looking for the new, hitherto unexplored sexual deviation – the Ally orientation – only to discover, in my frustration and disappointment, that you had no idea what you were talking about. You meant “allies”: allies of the other letters – which, in my unceasing efforts to be a Green Anglican by conserving bandwidth, I won’t repeat.

Unfortunately, Rev. Hollis Hiscock has just been appointed as the new editor of the Niagara Anglican, replacing Chris Grabiec. I look forward with dismay to many more meaningless, misinterpreted acronyms strewn extravagantly amongst the wasteland of degenerate tripe that represents the worst Canadian Anglicanism has to offer.

And it’s all at the taxpayer’s expense.

 

 

Nailing Jesus down in the Diocese of Niagara

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Malcolm Muggeridge, in the title of his essay Tread Softly for you tread on my Jokes, was referring  to the difficulty of parodying an institution which, through its own self-parodying, was already surpassing all possible outside efforts.

Thus I realise the futility of attempting to compete with the nescient witlessness – blind to irony or inadvertent allusion – of a contributor to the rag of a post-Christian Anglican denomination in writing this phrase about Christ: “there’s a mystery about him the moment we try to nail him down”.

The Diocese of Niagara’s September edition of its paper arrived on my doorstep this morning; as of this writing, it isn’t online. The same article goes on to note that the Nicene Creed is so fourth century:

I have to admit that I don’t find the traditional Nicene formula of the 4th. Century a good fit in the 21st. I’m thankful that in our church, St. George’s, Guelph, we seldom use the Nicene Creed.

Let’s all stand and sing John Lennon’s Imagine.

The Good News, the Gospel, is that God is in everyone so he is really, really inclusive and we’re all reconciled to him, like it or not; take that Christopher Hitchens:

the good news, as I see it is that God is in the world, in everybody. Thank God we’re an inclusive church, but how inclusive is inclusive? I believe as Paul said, God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself. That’s our good news to the world. Heaven is on earth. God loves everyone. He lives in and among us, as Our Father. We’re all reconciled to Him. This was Jesus’ message, misunderstood by the Pharisees and many today.

There is no Fall, no sin, no need for a Saviour, no future heaven or hell, no transcendence and, so…… no point:

But what is the good news? Is it the tradition that if we’re good girls and boys we’ll go to heaven? Or, if we believe that Jesus is our Lord and Savior? Lord perhaps, but savior? Savior from what? He does say that if we believe in Him (God who so loved the world, or Jesus himself?) we shall not perish, but have eternal life. But there’s no past or future in eternity, only a perpetual present, the eternal now. If this be so, the present should be our chief, and only, concern, not after we die. Heaven and Hell are present realities.

Apparently, we don’t actually know who Jesus was, so we might as well let everyone decide for himself – after all, we wouldn’t want to exclude someone (the only sin left) who thinks he is the reincarnation of the Easter bunny – that would lead to confusion and conflict:

God is chiefly drawn from his [Jesus’] life, as recorded in the Scriptures. But there’s a mystery about him the moment we try to nail him down. Why not dispense with creed making, and let each person find out who Jesus is for her or himself? Orthodoxy leads only to confusion, conflict and exclusion.

So, welcome to church where nothing is real, transcendent or believable but at least you will feel  included in the gibbering crackpot collective known as the Diocese of Niagara.

 

Diocese of Niagara: the wolves are circling

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From here:

Reflecting upon yesterday’s Supreme Court of Canada’s decision, Bishop Michael Bird, states: “The decision clears the way for us to proceed to a trial involving the disputed ownership of three parishes in the Diocese of Niagara. This matter has been deliberated upon at every level of our Canadian legal system and this most recent decision must surely remove any question as to our ownership of these properties. Like our counterparts in British Columbia, the issue of same-sex relationships is well behind us and we are fully engaged in the work of mission and re-visioning our church as it engages with and serves the people of this generation. The diocese has been very patient over these years but now we hope that this property dispute can be resolved quickly.”

The Diocese of Niagara has instructed its legal counsel to move forward expeditiously to bring this matter to trial.

Enjoy the orange carpet, Mike.

The Diocese of Niagara continues its ministry: closing orthodox churches

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While the Diocese of Niagara attempts to gain possession of ANiC church buildings for which it has no use other than to line its coffers, it continues to disestablish orthodox parishes – for which it has no use, other than to line its coffers.

From here:

Why was All Saints closed?

All Saints church in Niagara Falls retained the traditional, orthodox faith in the Trinity and the Gospel message of Jesus Christ. It was a small, but growing congregation, having doubled its membership under a priest who provided the Gospel message, was faithful in pastoral care and attracted young families with their children.

With the closing of All Saints, the sale of its parish hall, plus the acquisition of All Saints trust funds, the Diocese of Niagara gleaned more than $480,000.

In 2007, the congregation of All Saints was given only a two-day notice that the church was to be closed in one month’s time. The congregation, due to the church’s vitality, was taken by shock.

Niagara Falls was informed the diocese wished to remove the 150-year-old oak pews despite the fact that a promise had been made to allow weddings and funerals to take place at All Saints. In response to the huge outcry from the citizens of Niagara Falls, through a petition to protect the unique interior and exterior of the building, the bishop met with representatives of the congregation. But nothing changed.

For the next two years, the congregation tried to persuade the diocese to allow them to return and finally offering to buy the church they had so faithfully looked after for 150 years for ministry and service. Every request to the diocese was rejected. Thankfully, a local church offered their premises and Anglican priests provided a service of communion one Sunday afternoon per month. When the congregation wished to meet more often, the devoted divided between a local church and a St. Catharines church that provided the faith of the founding fathers following the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Many former congregants of All Saints still meet on a regular basis and provide significant outreach both locally and globally. Their faith is a continuum that is remarkable. Of course, it has been an extremely unfortunate time for the faithful of this historic landmark, but prayerfully it will continue to serve and be a reminder of God’s presence in our city of Niagara Falls.

Donna Parkhill

Chair of the All Saints steering committee Niagara Falls

 

The state of Christian belief in the Diocese of Niagara

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All faiths are one, making Jesus not unique, his atoning sacrifice unnecessary and his incarnation irrelevant.

All religions are “manifestations of the Creator” including, presumably, the Pana Wave Doomsday Cult, the Happy Science Religion and the International Werewolf Religion and Secret Society.

Christians are not called to convert people of other faiths – why bother, they are all the same.

If the church jettisons everything that is peculiar to Christianity, society will respect and accept it. Or, as seems more likely, ignore it.

Bishop Michael Bird appears to be going along with all this.

So, the state of Christianity in the Diocese of Niagara is that it is no longer Christianity; it doesn’t even faintly resemble Christianity.

From the Niagara Anglican (page 4):

A great milestone of 20th century and early 21st century Christianity is that we have begun to learn to communicate with and understand other world religions. Whereas in the past we labeled non-Christians “pagans” and sought to convert them, now we realize that no theology is superior.

Theologians have long realized that, at the mystical level, all faiths are one. Even at the everyday level of belief, we can see that all religions are manifestations of the Creator and that all believers are called to worship God and to seek the well-being of all our neighbors, human and non-human.

Only when the leaders of the world’s religions work together, as political leaders are learning to do, will there be an end to war and environmental degradation. Both of these age-old activities hurt and destroy God’s holy creation: planet earth and its species.

Our church is beginning to rethink and restate our beliefs in ways that our society can respect and accept. We cannot turn back, only forge ahead, holding to the teachings and example of Jesus and his way of love. Forgiveness, compassion and courage are needed as liberals learn to articulate our faith and invite conservatives to consider it.

According to Bishop Michael in his recent visit to St. Thomas’, we are in the midst of theological and ecclesiastical turmoil of an order not seen since the Reformation. We have to get a handle on “Living the Questions” to help us reach out to those who have already asked such questions—those who long to return to the church and those who long to stay.