Author Archives: David

My Granddaughter instructs me on how to use social media

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Me: Your mother didn’t answer the phone, so I left a message

GD: She won’t get it; she doesn’t listen to her messages.

Me: Why not?

GD: Because normal people don’t use the phone to speak to people, they text.

Me: I didn’t know that. Are you getting together with the friend that you haven’t seen in a while?

GD: Yes.

Me: Will you speaking to her or texting?

GD: Don’t be silly, normal people speak when they are face to face.

Me: That’s a relief. Did you see the photo I posted on Facebook of Grandma while we were out by the river today?

GD: I don’t use Facebook. Why don’t you post it on Instagram like normal people.

Me: It got 8 likes!

GD: That’s sad.

Me: Why?

GD: Only 8 likes, that’s pathetic. The photo I posted of me shopping this afternoon has 70 likes.

Me: Grandma posted a picture of me, too; it got 9 likes.

GD: That’s because she has more followers not because people like photos of you.

Me: You’re probably right. What should I do to get more likes, then?

GD: It’s easy. Go to trendy clothes stores, buy something and post a photo of the bag.

Me: I buy my clothes at Value Village.

GD: Well, you need more followers. Follow trendy people and hope that they follow you back.

Me: I don’t know any trendy people. Even if I did, I’d pay not to have to listen to what they say, so why would I follow them?

GD: Grandpa, you’re hopeless. Say something about trendy people, then and use a hastag.

Me: Can I say something rude about them?

GD: Do you want to be sued again?

Me: #no

GD: Normal people say nice things about other people.

All this confirms what I’ve long suspected: #borninthewrongcentury.

I should point out that both of us were laughing our heads off throughout this exchange.

Anglican priest jailed for pipeline protest

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The Diocese of New Westminster’s Rev. Emilie Smith was sentenced to seven days in jail for blocking the road to Trans Mountain’s Westridge Marine Terminal.

In contrast, Linda Gibbons was arrested not for blocking access to an abortion clinic but for standing on the sidewalk, a crime for which she has spent over seven years in jail. I know where my sympathies lie.

From here:

A New Westminster priest is one of the latest anti-pipeline protesters to be sentenced to seven days in jail for violating a court injunction banning protesters from blocking access to Trans Mountain facilities.

Emilie Smith, a parish priest at St. Barnabas Anglican Church, is headed to the Alouette Women’s Correctional Centre in Maple Ridge for seven consecutive days after being sentenced in B.C. Supreme Court in Vancouver Wednesday morning.

She and former Mennonite pastor Steve Heinrichs, originally from Burnaby, were arrested at Trans Mountain’s Westridge Marine Terminal on April 20 after blocking the road into the facility and refusing to leave when asked by police.

“This is a way we are called to live out the reconciliation, is in standing with the Tsleil-Waututh and others to defend this holy land,” she told the Record before her arrest. “I think our faith teaches us that we’re not supposed to just say nice things to each other, we’re supposed to live out our faith in our bodies … we believe in taking action.”

Smith’s other major contribution in the fight for justice, equality, diversity, nightmare utopianism, and hallucinogenic alphabet soup rainbow inclusion comes in the shape of a sign telling people not to litter on church property. More specifically, not to drop their crap there. It must be legitimate because it is signed by God.

The curious case of Tommy Robinson

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Anyone who follows UK news will have noticed a series of stories about the imprisonment – wrongfully, his supporters would say – of Tommy Robinson for contempt of court.

In brief, he was found guilty of contempt after live streaming the arrival at the courthouse of a number of Muslim men accused of being part of a rape gang. Such is the passion his imprisonment has aroused, it is well-nigh impossible to find an impartial account of what happened. Try your own search to see what I mean.

Robinson, born Stephen Christopher Yaxley-Lennon, founded the English Defense League, an organisation he left in 2013. He is a vociferous critic of Islam and is regarded as “far-right”, an epithet that is rife more with insult than meaning.

He has had a series of brushes with the law and had spent time in prison before this latest episode. He is a trifle rough around the edges, a characteristic that may have contributed more to his problems than the ideas he promotes, many of which are also held by the much more gentile Douglas Murry, for example, without attracting the wrath of the law.

Robinson was tried, found guilty and jailed for contempt within 5 hours of his being arrested, a feat that might make its way into the Guinness Book of Records as a speed record for British justice. Or injustice. He is now free on bail because, after an appeal, it was found that there were numerous procedural errors – his supporters would claim he was stitched up – in his trial.

Here is an interview with Robinson:

play-sharp-fill

As I mentioned above, Tommy Robinson is not smooth.

At the appeal, the Lord Chief Justice ruled that the law had not been applied fairly, a gross understatement if we are to believe Robinson.

Time will tell no doubt, but the mess confirms my suspicion developed in both ACoC/ANiC legal wranglings and my legal tussle with the thin-skinned Michael Bird: temporal justice is an elusive commodity, subject more to the whim of judicial predisposition than anything else.

As Blaise Pascal said in his Pensées:

Our magistrates have known well this mystery. Their red robes, the ermine in which they wrap themselves like furry cats, the courts in which they administer justice, the fleurs-de-lis, and all such august apparel were necessary; if the physicians had not their cassocks and their mules, if the doctors had not their square caps and their robes four times too wide, they would never have duped the world, which cannot resist so original an appearance. If magistrates had true justice, and if physicians had the true art of healing, they would have no occasion for square caps; the majesty of these sciences would of itself be venerable enough. But having only imaginary knowledge, they must employ those silly tools that strike the imagination with which they have to deal; and thereby in fact they inspire respect. Soldiers alone are not disguised in this manner, because indeed their part is the most essential; they establish themselves by force, the others by show.

When I was in Dublin a few years back, I came across this Georgian era statue of Lady Justice. It is unusual in that it is not blindfolded – signifying impartiality – but looks at Dublin Castle. This, in addition to the fact that at the time justice favoured the elite, gave rise to the following:

Lady Justice, notice her station:
Face to the castle and arse to the nation.

Not much has changed.

Anglican priest declares Bible is just some “silly words”

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Most Anglican clergy go to enormous lengths to torture the plain language of Scripture until it concedes that there really is nothing wrong with homosexual activity.

Rev Clifford Hall in Barbados has taken a different approach: he told marchers in the local pride parade that what the Bible says is irrelevant because it is just some “silly words written in a book thousands of years ago”.

Clifford has come out of the closet and openly stated what most of his fellow clergy secretly think of the Bible.

From here:

At a gay pride parade last week, Father Clifford Hall told marchers that nothing can stop their movement, “…legions of Pharisees won’t stop it… the roaring lion won’t stop it. And some silly words written in a book thousands of years ago won’t stop it.”

His words were met by loud applause from parade attendees. Hall also told them they were accepted into the “flock of Christ” and that God is willing to give them the Kingdom.

He also claimed that homosexuality has “always been part of the natural order of things.”

Diocese of Huron in Pride Parade

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The Diocese of Huron is inviting us all to join them in the annual London Pride Parade.

You can dress (or undress, I expect) any way you want, so long as you bring a reusable water bottle.

On reading this, I found myself musing on whether there is anything at all that could be done or worn to scandalise these proud Anglicans. And then it came to me: I’ll hand out plastic straws to put in their reusable water bottles.

From here:

It’s Pride Parade Time! Here is what you need to know. This year, the parade is assembling on the Western Fair race track. Parking will be in the Western Fair Market parking areas off King or Ontario Streets. Come to the race track between 11:30- 12 noon and look for the Proud Anglican location which will be numbered as D4. The numbers will be posted on orange traffic cones. St. Jude’s is right in front of us and “Circles” behind us. We are to be ready to move into position by noon, so please try to arrive as early as you can. If you are late, it is possible to join us from the parade route. The parade will go on rain or shine.
If you have T-shirts from your church you might want to wear them or if you have a church banner you are welcome to bring it. We will have a “Proud Anglicans” Banner out front. Dress colourfully (even flamboyantly if it suits you) and don’t forget a hat and a (reusable, please) water bottle.

The bishop is the purple shirt on the right:

Gender and the art of buying car insurance

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To misquote Henry Higgins, “why can’t a man be more like a woman?” Well now he (or she, or should it be ze?) can.

From here:

An Alberta man has legally changed his gender purely to benefit from the lower car insurance rates offered to women.

“I didn’t feel like getting screwed over any more,” the man, identified only as “David,” [not me, I should point out] told CBC this week.

For more than three years, Alberta has been among several provinces in which residents can legally change the sex on their birth certificates without providing evidence of genital surgery.

Under a 2015 reform brought in by Alberta’s Progressive Conservatives, to change the gender on a birth certificate applicants need only provide a note from an accredited physician or psychologist indicating that they identify as a different sex.

“It was pretty simple. I just basically asked for it and told (the doctor) that I identify as a woman, or I’d like to identify as a woman, and he wrote me the letter I wanted,” David told CBC.

This is very tempting. If I become a woman, not only will my car and life insurance go down, but I will suddenly become a married lesbian and, thus, a prime candidate for a lucrative bishop’s job in the Anglican Church of Canada. The Diocese of Montreal would be a perfect fit.

Anglican Archbishop stands with Muslims at Danforth vigil

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Here is Archbishop Colin Johnson posing with Muslim youth at last night’s Danforth vigil.

By doing this I imagine he was trying to make a point; but what was it? That Anglican Archbishops believe Islam is a religion of peace despite mountains of evidence to the contrary? That Anglican Archbishops think ISIS – who have taken credit for the attack (not that that means much) – is not entitled to self-identify as Islamic even though men are entitled to self-identify as women? That there is no gulf between Christianity and Islam; after all, we believe in the same God, don’t we? This particular brand of Islam even has its own messiah:

Ahmadiyya Muslim Community or the Ahmadiyya Muslim Jama’at; Arabic: الجماعة الإسلامية الأحمدية‎, transliterated: al-Jamā’ah al-Islāmiyyah al-Aḥmadiyyah; Urdu: احمدیہ مسلم جماعت‎) is an Islamic religious movement founded in Punjab, British India, in the late 19th century. It originated with the life and teachings of Mirza Ghulam Ahmad (1835–1908), who claimed to have been divinely appointed as both the promised Mahdi (Guided One) and Messiah expected by Muslims to appear towards the end times and bring about, by peaceful means, the final triumph of Islam; as well as to embody, in this capacity, the expected eschatological figure of other major religious traditions.

Or perhaps he was just standing in his comfort zone.

Close Encounters with Revenue Canada – India Division

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I received this phone call today:

 

I’ve been waiting all year for one of these, so naturally I returned the call:

 

I wasn’t entirely happy with that, so I had another go:

 

That got me nowhere. One more try, I thought. The language in this one is a little more fruity:

Glory to the gender bending God

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When I was a student at university most of my attention was occupied by drinking, chasing girls and playing the guitar. I wasn’t a Christian at that point, although I did live next door to a couple of Christians with whom I became friends in spite of the fact that I diligently tried to scandalise and upset them whenever I had the chance. They must have forgiven me; one of them used to ask my advice on dating.

Evidently student Christianity has changed a little over the years. It is now a different century and, for me, a different country. And, it would appear, a different religion. I wasn’t convinced that the beliefs of my Christian friends were true, but at least I didn’t think them risibly preposterous. This, on the other hand, is:

Student Christian Movement of Canada

Glory to the Gender-Bending God – This is a devotional explores common experiences of trans people and how they correlate to themes appearing in the Bible. Through this devotional, we hope to affirm the lived experiences of trans people and celebrate trans folks as people of faith. Do name changes, chosen family, and struggling against institutions sound familiar? They should, because all these experiences echo throughout both the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament. (Full Devotional/Mini Devotional)

The devotional has two accompanying resources:

Tips for a Trans-Affirming Church

Trans Terms & Definitions