Part 1 should be read first.

For the unconvinced who simply cannot smell what the Anglican Church of Canada is shovelling, there is this:

Nose Wax
‘We only do one nostril at a time,’ she explains. ‘In America, they tend to do both at once.’ I am grateful for this British tweak, because I’m claustrophobic and even with one nostril blocked I feel slightly panicky and take big gulps of air through my mouth.

After about 30 seconds the wax is cool and set. Time for take-off. With one deft movement, Busi swipes away the paper, taking the wax and my nose hair with it. It’s not really painful, but it certainly smarts for a second or two.

I peer at the nostril-shaped pink lump with horror. It is porcupined with hideous thick hairs that stick out and resemble a pig’s snout. It is very disconcerting.

Now there is no excuse.