This isn’t funny; I am not laughing. Really.

The OAP mob: Gang of geriatrics charged with kidnapping and torturing financial advisor after losing fortunes in recession

Formal charges were laid today against a gang of pensioners accused of kidnapping and torturing their financial adviser when their fortunes dipped due to the global crisis.

American-born James Amburn, 56, claims he was ambushed outside his home in Speyer, western Germany, bound with masking tape and bundled into a car boot after being bashed over the head with the Zimmer frame of one of his elderly kidnappers.

‘It took them quite a while because they ran out of breath,’ said Mr Amburn, who was allegedly driven to the Bavarian lakeside home of one of the gang who lost close to £2million……

Shortly afterwards, the Swiss bank telephoned police in Germany and an armed team of special SEK commandos was scrambled and the house was stormed.

A physician had to be on hand to help the captors into police vans because of their various infirmities.