Funerals for the lost:

A LEADING Tunbridge Wells clergyman has been branded “insensitive” after unleashing a scathing attack on modern funerals.

Father Ed Tomlinson, of St Barnabas’ Church, Quarry Road, said he had better ways of spending his time than at crematorium services where the dead were “led in by the tunes of Tina Turner…and sent into the furnace with ‘I Did It My Way’ blaring out across the speakers”.

The vicar whose blogsite rants attract a cult following, said the widespread fashion for “a poem from nan combined with a saccharine message from a pop star before being popped in the oven” left him feeling like an unwanted guest at many funerals.

He added: “I have… stood at the ‘crem’ like a lemon, wondering why on earth I am present.”

There was a time when even non-believers craved the aesthetics of the Church at the important moments of their lives: marriages and funerals. Now, it seems, all that is left is the expectation that a tame vicar will do the honours while trite secularisms-du-jour are injected into the ceremony. Congratulations to Father Ed for speaking his mind.