My mother read Kenneth Grahame’s Wind in the Willows to me when I was a small child. As soon as I could read for myself, I reread it. I’ve reread it numerous times as an adult; it is a wonderful book.

The animals in it all have human characteristics.  Badger is a crotchety secluded introvert, Mole and Rat are unlikely friends, Otter is a worried parent, Toad is a wealthy braggart – sorry, we should show some respect and call him Mr. Toad. If you haven’t read Wind in the Willows, you should. It has wit, charm, pathos, humour, mysticism and a final battle between good and evil.

In a previous article I compared Trump to Rex Mottram in Brideshead Revisited, someone with a fluorescent shell, empty inside but able to dazzle the unwary. I hesitate to compare Trump to Mr. Toad because Toad, in addition to being an egotistical braggart, has charm; Trump doesn’t. And I don’t want to insult the lovable Mr. Toad.

Nevertheless, the comparison is illuminating. If you can’t be bothered to listen to Trump’s address to Congress yesterday, here is a panegyric of Toad to himself which nicely summarizes the Trump speech:

“The world has held great Heroes,
As history-books have showed;
But never a name to go down to fame
Compared with that of Toad!

“The clever men at Oxford
Know all that there is to be knowed.
But they none of them know one half as much
As intelligent Mr. Toad!

“The animals sat in the Ark and cried,
Their tears in torrents flowed.
Who was it said, ‘There’s land ahead?’
Encouraging Mr. Toad!

“The army all saluted
As they marched along the road.
Was it the King? Or Kitchener?
No. It was Mr. Toad.

“The Queen and her Ladies-in-waiting
Sat at the window and sewed.
She cried, ‘Look! who’s that handsome man?’
They answered, ‘Mr. Toad.’”

And here is Toad’s Homecoming Song having defeated the evil weasels with the help of Mole, Badger, Rat and Otter. To be recited upon re-entering the White House as Leader of the Free World:

The Toad—came—home!
There was panic in the parlours and howling in the halls,
There was crying in the cow-sheds and shrieking in the stalls,
When the Toad—came—home!

When the Toad—came—home!
There was smashing in of window and crashing in of door,
There was chivvying of weasels that fainted on the floor,
When the Toad—came—home!

Bang! go the drums!
The trumpeters are tooting and the soldiers are saluting,
And the cannon they are shooting and the motor-cars are hooting,
As the—Hero—comes!

Shout—Hoo-ray!
And let each one of the crowd try and shout it very loud,
In honour of an animal of whom you’re justly proud,
For it’s Toad’s—great—day!