I knew there was something funny in the Durham air:

A vicar and his neighbour have been arrested on suspicion of assault after a dispute over the height of a 20ft beech hedge between their homes.

Rev Stuart Bennett and Brian Stokoe were held for questioning over the alleged incident before being released on bail.

Tempers are understood to have flared on a Sunday 11 days before Christmas in what is believed to have been a long running dispute.

Mr Stokoe had previously complained about having “to live with these hedges for a long time now”.

He said: “They are beech hedges which are prolific growers and they are blocking all the light from my house and the elderly residents on the other side.

“I have discussed it with Stuart but he claims it is not his responsibility and the church has no money to pay for it.”

“The Bishop of Durham is aware of Mr Bennett’s situation and has asked the Archdeacon of Durham to look into the matter. It is now in the hands of the police and there is no other comment.”

I can hear Tom Wright now: “the hedge provides a moment when the abstract analysis offered by postmodernity suddenly becomes concrete”. The obvious solution is to compel the impecunious vicar, his benighted neighbour and the hedge to form an indaba group; then the hedge could tell its story.