Lost for Anglicans

Lost is over. This is what it was about:

Without appealing to the trappings of organised religion, Lost dealt – albeit less than coherently  – with good, evil, sin, redemption and the immortality of the human spirit; so it could legitimately claim to be “spiritual, not religious”, the title, coincidentally, of a conference sponsored by the Diocese of New Westminster:

Our keynote speakers understand the spiritual and religious culture of this region in a way that few people do. It is an example of the bridge building that this group is talking about. The book Cascadia explains how we are a distinctive bio-region and the argument in the book is that it is the geography – the mountains, the fish, the rivers, the continental divide – that has created who we are and has helped shape us spiritually. We are different here, largely to do with the fact that we are at the end of the continent and we have this amazing geography.

It looks suspiciously as if the writers of Lost may have drawn inspiration from the meanderings of this obscure and largely defunct corner of dessicated Canadian Anglicanism: Lost was also about a distinctive bio-region, an island, and the effect that it had on those who lived on it. Lost was not specifically Christian – although one could argue that it had a firmer grip on the human condition than the Diocese of New Westminster, since it acknowledged the reality of sin.

Over time, Western Anglican Christianity has become more preoccupied with spirituality, mystery and arcane ritual, and less with truth; consequently you find a speaker at the conference sponsored by the Diocese of New Westminster saying,

“In South American shamanic ayahuasca ceremonies I’ve surrendered to the pulsing heart of the green world and immersed in Jewish Sabbath and high holy days gatherings with friends. I’ve probably taken too many workshops on a wide array of psycho-spiritual and body-oriented healing arts. Some people might say I’ve eaten too many vegetables! My root-meditation practice is inspired by the Buddhist tradition. For 45 minutes each morning I sit and breathe in loving-kindness, a focusing practice that strengthens the heart’s innate capacity to open, accept and forgive.”

This has descended from mystery to muddle – where it cavorts with the spirituality of Lost in which, had you watched it, you would have discovered:

  • The island has a “heart” of light kept glowing by a stone cork plugging a hole;
  • Human guardians of the island live thousands of years after drinking anything – from wine to muddy water – given to them by a previous guardian;
  • A man who fell down the corked hole can – and does – turn into a plume of smoke at will;
  • Electromagnetism from the corked hole is lethal to humans – apart from one;
  • A sequence of doomsday numbers keeps reappearing: their significance is never adequately explained;
  • The island can move through time when an antique wheel is turned.

This goes on and on and none of it makes much sense, scientifically or metaphysically.

Of course, Lost, unlike the Diocese of New Westminster, isn’t pretending to be a church and endless unanswered mysteries (well, some were answered) are good for ratings; moreover, Lost has accomplished what it set out to do: make lots of money for everyone involved – it has been a resounding success. It even entertained a few people along the way – something the Anglican Church has never been able to manage.

There used to be an app for that

iSlam Muhammad is an iPhone application that makes fun of the Muslim tendency to persuade opponents by beheading them. Apple executives removed the application, kept their heads and invented the iDhimmi.

A description of the $.99 app encourages users to “enjoy violent and hateful passages from The Qur’an that support and encourage Muslims to attack and behead anyone who does not agree with them. See how Allah directs his followers to treat men and women.”

The app revolves around parchment images featuring controversial images from the holy text. The app was in the store for a day before it was pulled. Below is audio from the developer’s conversation with Apple, which among other things, points out that a similar app targeting Christians called BibleThumper still exists in the store.

Mary Glasspool consecration: no-one objected

During the consecration of Anglican-nouveau lesbian bishop, Mary Glasspool there came a point where those attending could object:Add  an Image

There was a moment on Saturday when even the usually unflappable J. Jon Bruno, bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles, held his breath.

It was the point when the 3,000 people at the Long Beach Arena were asked if anyone had any objections to the ordination of the region’s first two female bishops, one of whom is the first lesbian bishop ordained by the Episcopal Church.

There were 3000 people present – many of whom were clergy – but when the moment of truth came, no-one objected. Why? After all, orthodox Christians who remain in TEC and the ACoC are supposedly working for reform from within by holding steadfastly to the faith once delivered; surely there would have been at least one person prepared to politely object to the consecration? Apparently not. And therein lies the flaw of trying to reform Anglicanism from within an apostate province: in practice, it isn’t happening, a stand is not being taken and the heterodox juggernaut blunders on unhindered.

Those who made it conspicuously apparent that they would object were expelled from the assembly – presumably in the name of inclusion – before reaching the point of potential embarrassment. The ejected placard wielders might have made a more strategically effective statement by waiting for the appointed moment for objections – although I can sympathise with their impatience and applaud their enthusiasm.

And early in the service, shortly after Bruce and Jardine had taken the stage, a man seated near the front of the arena stood, waved a placard and begin shouting: “Repent of the sins of the homosexual! Repent of the sin of abortion!”

As the audience stirred, a woman yelled sharply: “Sit down!”

As security guards led him off, the man continued yelling. “It’s an abomination! Repent! The Bible says homosexuals will not enter …” and his voice trailed off.

As the ceremony resumed, a young boy in a white shirt stood up, holding aloft what appeared to be a Bible. “Repent!” he began yelling to the startled arena. “Repent!” As he was led out, a voice called out, “We’re praying for you!” The audience applauded.

Praying what for you, one wonders, and to whom?

Carry on bishop

I just wish I’d been there with my camera:Add an Image

Meetings of Church of England bishops are usually sedate – and that’s how they like it.

But last week’s proved decidedly more eventful, when they found themselves sharing their conference hotel with a hen party.

It was the cue for Carry On-style high farce which culminated in the Bishop of Winchester, the Rt Rev Michael Scott-Joynt, 67, gallantly offering his dressing gown to a naked girl, who was apparently locked out of her hotel room.

Other bishops soon became aware of drink-induced vomiting and screaming – and everyone was eventually forced to evacuate the hotel in the middle of the night when a reveller let off a fire alarm.

The Bishop of Wakefield, the Rt Rev Stephen Platten, 63, said: ‘The alarm seems to have been triggered when two young ladies, who were pickled, came back late at night.

‘One of the ladies was naked and one of the bishops had to give her his dressing gown to cover her nakedness. I think the other woman was trying to take her clothes off, too, but she was stopped in time.’

Nearly 50 bishops, among them the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, had gathered at the £130-a-night Park Inn Hotel in York for the meeting, where the main item was admitting women to the episcopate.

Rowan Williams denied foreknowledge of the ladies’ night out and shortly after tussling with Rev. Michael Scott-Joynt in an attempt to thwart his dressing gown manoeuvre, inspired by the moment, burst forth into this peroration: Nothing will stop sex being tragic and comic.  It is above all the area of our lives where we can be rejected in our bodily entirety, where we can venture into the exposed spontaneity and find ourselves looking foolish or even repellent: so that the perception of ourselves we are offered is negating and damaging.  And it is also where the awful incongruity of our situation can break through as comedy, even farce.”

Conclusive proof that there are Multiverses

For those that doubted the reality of the multiverse, The Anglican Church – TEC specifically – has produced incontrovertible evidence that alternate universes do exist. Add an ImageThey must, Katherine Jefferts Schori inhabits one:

Episcopal leader Jefferts Schori says anger over gay ordination has eased.

The Episcopal Church USA and its sister churches in the worldwide Anglican Communion have stronger relationships in many ways now than before the American church angered the more conservative members by consecrating a gay bishop, the church’s presiding bishop said Friday….

She said fallout from the 2003 decision to consecrate Gene Robinson as bishop of New Hampshire appears to have settled out for the most part.

“The reactivity right now is much, much less than it was seven years ago,” she said during an interview at Christ Church, where Waldo’s consecration will take place.

“I think the church, and certainly the part of the church in the United States, is reasonably clear about where we’re going, even though everybody doesn’t agree. And those in the church, I think, are willing to live with that tension.”

You will notice that residents of this interpenetrating dimension wear funny pointed hats; it is suspected that the hats house a jamming device designed to prevent rational thought from disrupting the inhabitants’ harmonious – if illusory – euphoria.

Shocking: anti-Semitic slogans banned from the Toronto Pride parade

From the National Post:Add an Image

Pride organizers have voted to effectively ban the group Queers Against Israeli Apartheid from this year’s parade.

Councillor Kyle Rae confirmed the decision despite the efforts of Pride Toronto board members to defer the announcement until a news conference on Tuesday.

“Pride has voted to ban the use of ‘Queers Against Israeli Apartheid,’ ” Mr. Rae told the Toronto Sun.

The board reportedly decided to ban the phrase “Israeli apartheid,” but not any individuals or groups from the July 4 event — a sleight of hand that has outraged a spokesman for Queers Against Israeli Apartheid.

Tim McCaskell accused Pride Toronto of betraying the gay community and buckling under pressure from politicians and sponsors.

“I think people will find it shocking,” Mr. McCaskell said.

I would have thought that the Toronto homosexual march would welcome a restriction that people find “shocking”, considering they have exhausted every other means of shocking the public.

Rowan Williams gets no respect

I wonder why. From Newsbiscuit:Add an Image

PepsiCo have announced today that they are terminating the current contract with Dr Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury as the face of Pepsi Cola. The brand will now be moving away from the centrist Church of England image, in which Pepsi drinkers were portrayed reflecting upon difficult spiritual matters as the product is remarketed ‘in more of a hip hop direction towards youth and music’.

Although a number of global brands have previously benefited from major celebrity endorsements, PepsiCo have had been forced to admit that choosing an elderly Anglican archbishop has not provided the massive boost that they had hoped for. ‘Oh it’s very easy to be wise after the event’ said Pepsi Co’s Head of Marketing Chad Taylor. ‘Suddenly everyone seems to be an expert in celebrity endorsement and claim they knew this would never work.’

Katherine Jefferts Schori to attend GS2010

Katherine Jefferts Schori will be attending the Anglican Church of Canada’s General Synod in June. I wonder if she’ll bring her Rainbow Add an ImageHat as a subtle reminder to us Canucks what it’s really all about.

Synod members will welcome a number of international guests including The Right Rev. Suheil Dawani, Anglican Bishop in Jerusalem; The Most Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori, Presiding Bishop and Primate of The Episcopal Church